Sunday, May 2, 2010

Ebay Declares All-Out War on Sellers As Donahoe Takes His Revenge

Ebay recently announced upcoming changes to their ongoing seller-extermination pogrom. Chief Executive Cocksucker Donahoe comments on the matter were secretly recorded by one of his rogue staff members. Donahoe simply said, "Fuck the goddamn sellers!"

A lot of water under the bridge already of course, since Donahoe has singlehandedly killed off hundreds of thousands of small and medium sellers over the past few years, while his diabolical seller inquisition mercilessly rolls forward. Naturally, sellers loathe the piece-of-shit, and aren't as shy as they used to be when denouncing his utterly retarded and insane innovations. As a result, the son-of-a-bitch has taken a bit of flak here and there from stock analysts, who are starting to figure out "who" the problem is over at eBay. This has angered Dickahoe, and he has charged his staff to "get tough", and "take out as many sellers as possible, as soon as possible!"

Immediately, dozens of ass-kissing subservients went into high gear, and their latest pogrom means only the real big sellers can remain. Why is this? Because the real big sellers have special "contracts" with eBay, which is another way to say the "rules" don't apply to them. Ever wonder how the biggest sellers, racking up a hundred negative feedbacks PER DAY are considered "Top Rated"? No, it's not just that they beat the statistics, it's that their contracts literally say they don't have to worry about the idiotic eBay rules. And this makes sense, because big sellers would never sign up for a "coin-toss" business, allocating a sizable investment, only to have silly eBay rules stop them dead in the water. That would never fly, and besides, if you're big enough, you could even sue the eBeast.

And so the small and "medium" sellers are done for. By the way, before you decide none of this applies to you, you are a "good" seller, or maybe you are a "big" seller, you had better really read about the upcoming changes. Remember, all this is already on top of the infamous "no negative" policy, and the ludicrous "DSR's", and the recent massive fee increases (eBay cast this biggest fee increase EVER as the lowest fees ever!). Now, you are going to have to hope that the Post Office, or UPS, or whoever you use, does their job, EVERY TIME. If they drop the ball even once, you're screwed!

Here's how it works. If one of your beloved buyers should open a "Dispute", because they didn't get their item, it will now count against you. Wait a minute! That sounds fair. "Why don't you crafty sellers just give us our stuff?!" Look closely. The buyer merely has to open the dispute, and it counts. Do you ship out "same day"? It doesn't matter! Do you always use tracking numbers? It doesn't matter! Again, read it and weep. If the buyer merely opens a dispute, you've got a problem. You may show a tracking number, that you shipped immediately, and you might even protest that it's only been two fucking days since they made the purchase! You argue that it's utterly impossible for the item to arrive 3,000 miles away so fast! Too bad. Now get this, you "good" seller, the buyer just hosed you...FOR LIFE.

Yes, for most small and medium sellers, the mere opening of a dispute, regardless of circumstances, ends your eBay "career". Because in order to get the visibility you need on eBay, you MUST be a "Top Rated" seller. And to be Top Rated, you are only allowed one-quarter-of-one-percent (0.25%) of opened disputes. To put this into perspective, lets say you sell 400 items. If even ONE of the 400 experiences a delay that displeases the buyer, you're OUT!! Oh, you're a "big" seller, who sells thousands of items? Really? Do you sell thousands PER DAY? In fact, the big "contract" sellers DO sell thousands per day in many cases. Again, some perspective. What if you sell 1,000 items per month? That's already put you in the top rung, by far, compared to most sellers. BUT, the same quarter-percent still applies! You get TWO (and a half) nutty and/or impatient buyers, and that's IT. Oh, so you sell $100,000 per month? Tough shit. Out you go! It's actually worse than this. You could sell three items to ONE buyer, and combine his shipping, and off it goes in one package. But you're not "lucky" that month, what a shame, that one buyer just opened up a dispute, uh no, make that THREE disputes! No worries! Ebay has the solution for you! You can globally set your preferences so that a buyer can only buy one of your items at a time! Yes! That's it! When you have a buyer, maybe a repeat buyer, and he wants to honestly buy multiple items from you, tell him to take a hike! After all, it's the only way you can insulate yourself from having one "unlucky" incident turn into many! Dumbahoe, you can't be serious...

Donahoe needs to be stopped. The sociopath has proved he won't, and it may in fact be "personal" at this point. He knows the sellers hate him. He knows they are right, and now the only thing the worthless cocksucker can do is retaliate. He is literally in the process of burning the house down before he bails out! Stop him you negligent Board of Directors! Punish the asshole! You can SUE him! All you have to do is just document a tiny bit of his insanity, and you can fire him without even having to pay him off! Sue him! If he's smart, he'll know that the truth about his ineptness can't get out, or he will never earn that kind of undeserved money again. He'll be good, you'll see! FIRE him. And even if you do just pay him off, it will be far cheaper than letting him continue. Do it now, before eBay is history...

1 comment:

  1. He must know when a high profile Zimmerman - the racist thug who killed Trayvon Martin made over 100K on a "artwork" auctioned on eBay. He must have know when a young artist was censored for his anti-Zimmerman artwork and the auction taken down. If he doesn't know he's totally incompetent; if he does know he allowed it to happen by the application of a standard so vague as to be meaningless. He has allowed Holocaust artifact auction - today there is rape porn, devil worship with sexual content. He is a hypocrite who wlll do anything to make a buck. He has no moral compass.